The twists and turn continued for the reminder of the week - bizzare in its representations of the last year. Some encounters remained in my mind, others were strange and true linking real with false, old with new. One an old flatmate of my sisters, the other a border with himself - how close they had been to those in my life, and how they had come into my present. And within this, there remained the two. One whom I had to wait to know he had finally let go, and in doing so, it let me go, the denial was no more, the security of his presence was gone, the loss was heartfelt, the pain deep, the realisation it wasn’t that he needed to change, it was that the instinctual need inside myself, would never leave whilst together. Now its gone, as is he. I have to accept, I am.
The commitment or non commitments of the opposites in force were also surfacing - they had been for many years. Paris, came and went, and also a knowing inside, it would be no more. There was a lingering, hopeful wish, it could be - the comfortableness of being together, of old friends reunion was indeed awakening, energizing, yet short-lived. The constant trickle of communication remained, and yet it became distant, no more of the romantic suggestions arose. Hope turned into disappointment, lingering thoughts were defeating. Now the time arose, when it was also time to let go, of closing the door, on not one, yet two. Perhaps in doing so, the time had come, to transform, to make the changes, to no longer be holding back, to embrace, to find, to live.
